Independence

The child's nature is to aim directly and energetically at functional independence. Development takes the form of a drive to an ever greater independence. It is like an arrow released from the bow, which flies straight, swift and sure...While he is developing, he perfects himself and overcomes every obstacle that he finds in his path

-Maria Montessori, THE ABSORBENT MIND

The battle cry of the toddler - 'Me do it!' is all too familiar to many parents. Even as children grow into preschool and then grade school age the need to be independent remains strong. There are many steps toward independence on the road from birth to adulthood.

To become independent is the child's fundamental need. The child has a strong vital urge to become independent. Dr. Montessori called this urge 'the horme' (rhymes with gourmet). The horme aids the child in conquering any obstacles in the path toward independence - this obstacle may be a physical task that must be mastered, like walking, or a mental one, like overcoming separation anxiety.

We must refrain from doing everything for the child. Independent function is the most significant factor in development of self confidence and self image.

 When we speak of good self esteem, this is not the external 'good job!' that is offered for nearly every accomplishment, from washing hands to getting in the car seat. Rather, it is a feeling of worth that comes from within, from being a capable individual in many facets of life. There are so many moments in the day to give a child even a tiny opportunity to do things alone - for example holding down the bottom of a jacket and allowing the child to pull the zipper up.

Mastering a task is really mastering one's self. Mastering your own emotions, thoughts and choices is true independence. Even adults who learn new skills or do things alone after a hard time such as the loss of a spouse build up their self image. The idea that the more help a person gets the happier they are is erroneous. Children want and need to do things for themselves.

"Self-reliance is the only road to true freedom,

and being one's own person is the ultimate reward."

- Patricia Sampson